Gaslighting Is Always In the Headlines
The late, and beloved Tina Turner and Ronnie Spector had one thing in common with millions of women today; for years they were gaslighted. Tina was diminished by Ike for years. And Ronnie was seduced into bondage by Phil.
Gaslighting someone these days has become so popular that in 2022 it was named the word of the year.
I just wish I’d seen the 1944 classic movie, Gaslight, before I allowed my second husband, to spend nearly a decade telling me that I was unworthy and would be nothing without him. That’s Gaslighting.
There is so much Gaslighting going on these days it’s hard to know where to start. Before I suggest that we have all, at various points in life, been gaslighted, let’s look at the story and why it is still relevant today.
From Vox, 2017 article: “The term ...comes from the movie...when a person lies for their own gain to another person so repeatedly and with so much confidence that the victim begins to doubt her own sanity. ...The victim, now uncertain that she can perceive reality correctly, becomes dependent on the gaslighter, more attached to him than ever.”
[Sound familiar to anyone in 2023?]
“...And if you can stomach watching Gaslight, it’s a useful reminder that just because you feel like you’re going crazy doesn’t mean you are.”
Today’s Gaslighting includes Q-Anon, Climate Change Denial, and “...Very fine people on both sides,” but I suggest that we have all been confronted by gaslighters. It’s just that they are cleverly disguised as the most confident, happiest people you know. They are not bullies. They are always on your side, looking out for your best interest. They are never loud and bombastic. They are always gentle and consoling, excusing your BAD behavior, manners, decisions, choices, or ideas. They are, after all, your best friends!
Without seeing and really digesting the movie, it is indeed difficult to recognize the signs that the lights in your head are being dimmed by someone else. In case you are too busy, or just not interested in watching a 78-year-old wonderful, over-the-top movie classic, you should still recognize the signs that you have been or are being gaslighted. Be on high alert the next time someone tells you, even in the kindest, most consoling (i.e. condescending) tone of voice:
Don’t you remember…
I thought we agreed that …
You know you’ve never been good at..., understood how to..., been able to handle…
If it were not for me…
Haven’t I told you before…
Why can’t you listen!?
What were you thinking?
Tina Turner broke away from her gaslighter, as did Ronnie Spector. And, so did I. But it’s never easy to turn the gaslight off, and there will be mental scars. But think about it: Better a few scars than amputations.
© Valerie Shaw, M.PR